Poem: You got lost in the lines of your head

Gallery for Art & Therapy Arte dell'Anima

You got lost in the lines of your head

I hang on your every word when you tell stories, like the morning
That it snowed, you got lost in the lines of your head and the sun
emerged. Then you are an oak tree dropping its leaves because
kissing the ground is so important that spring is shifted.
Instant season change, I see crumbs on your cheek, more and more
images connect with words and hangs
the world skews.

I live in your eyes when you sleep, the dreams visible on the big walls
of the old city, where for centuries people have stayed and rested
of their journey. You can be that, be in different times, you split up
and spread out, nothing is lost, I'm short of eyes, even
my hands get lost. My skin opens up, shreds tumble
music outside, the scent of evening lurks
under the soles of my foot.

I walk along the edges of your stories, rattling the windows
And wonder where the boundaries are. The shutters show traces
of vomit, someone was ahead of me, someone who gave up, someone who took the glass
very late. When I go inside, I see myself reflected and recognise
the man in the window as the one who gets lost and words
stows away in his jacket.

Like - I got lost in the lines of my head.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

 

 

"The best coaching is as much a skill as it is an art."

Ewoud is passionate about his work, committed to each client and creative in his approach. A sincere listener to the unique and authentic story that each person carries within them.

An inspired storyteller. By stepping into your story without hesitation and with complete confidence, he quickly understands the essence
where your question revolves and the solution lies. 

And sees who you essentially are.

Drs Ewoud Dekker, founder and owner of Arte dell' Anima
Psychologist| Psychotherapist (BIG)| Senior 4D System Coach. He also writes Poems and stories.

Contact Ewoud Dekker?

Relationship problems follow you wherever you go

Relationship problems follow you wherever you go

Relationship

The Recipe of Alice in Wonderland.

Enter the other's perception without inhibitions

Relationship problems are quite radical, they make you feel insecure and follow you wherever you go

Sometimes you lose sight of each other and your connection.

In a relationship you want to be together as partners, feel connected, grow together while preserving your individuality. It sounds so easy, but it often proves more difficult in practice.

After all, you wouldn't be the first to agree that a long-term relationship can be quite demanding. You get to know yourself and your partner better every day and it doesn't always turn out as expected. You both change, may develop different wishes and needs, enter into other phases of life and all that should be as synchronous as possible.

Everything around you is continuously in motion and as a multi-tasker it isn't easy to perfectly control your roles as partner, career enthusiast, social networker and parent.

What to do when you hit a wall in your relationship?

That you may hit a temporary wall in your relationship is not that strange. You often manage to work it out with commitment and true love but there are times when love does not conquer all.

And you will notice this because you will develop a feeling of loneliness in your relationship. Or because the self-evident intimacy and romance that were there at the start have slowly become part of other household duties.

Those wonderful conversations you used to have will change into communicative battles that will continue to repeat themselves, despite your good intentions and love.

When negative patterns start repeating themselves, when you can't really work things out anymore and your feelings of incomprehension, powerlessness, insecurity and down-heartedness increase, the time has come to seek help.

Relationship problems are quite radical, they make you feel insecure and follow you wherever you go

A harmonious relationship and a warm embracing family often are the most valuable assets in your life.

When they are put under pressure because of an imbalance in your life, work or health, the time has come to recognise the cause.

And to obviously find the solution that befits you.

Ring the bells that still can ring

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
Leonard Cohen

DESPITE OUR LOVE, WE OFTEN FEEL LIKE ALICE IN WONDERLAND WHEN WE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE OTHER.

HOW WOULD WE LOOK AT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY SEE?

How do we look? What do we see? How is it possible that we do not see the same when looking at the same??

The image we see changes into the person who is looking.
It is not a different perception, it is truly a different world.

We all live in a personal and unique universe

We all want to be seen, heard and understood, particularly by your loved one, but how can you make that happen?

You often don't know yourself that well and then it seems as if your sincere wish is sometimes hard to fulfil.
What is so miraculous here is that it can be done and that the instruction manual to actually see, hear and feel each other is a simple one.

Ultimately so, because we will first have to abandon that ever-present notion that only your own reality exists.

Your partner's wondrous world.

If you are in love, the other next to whom you wake up is a miracle, is what the singer sings.

If you no longer understand each other, then the other is to blame.
They don't see things clearly, get it all wrong and don't understand you. They've left the path and have moved into a different world.

The latter is correct. Particularly in a literal sense. Everything is different in that other world. It looks, smells, tastes, sounds and feels different. It's pointless to explain.

In your world you can't hear, taste or smell it. Consider the divine wine in France that tastes a bit off when at home. You are bringing the bottle along, not France.  

It's not a star I see, it's always you.

The Recipe of Alice in Wonderland..

When each person, including your partner, lives in their own reality, you can only become acquainted with it by entering it.

Alice, the girl from Wonderland, has the recipe. With an uninhibited curiosity and the nerve to perceive beyond the familiar borders, she ends up in all kinds of worlds.

By drinking from a bottle with the label 'drink me' she becomes so small that she can walk through a tiny door, and by eating a piece of the cake that says 'eat me' she can reach a key that is located at an unreachable place.

Enter the other's perception without inhibitions

If you enter the world of the other, without inhibitions, a new world literally opens up. The beauty you will see is beyond belief.  

See through her eyes, taste with her mouth, remember with her memory, think with her brain, feel with her heart, hear with her ears. In short; become your partner, albeit briefly.  

How? By letting yourself be taken along and investigate the other world without judgment and with Alice's lack of inhibition.

This is how you bring along the wine and the country.  

There is no way of getting closer to your love than this.

The Recipe of Alice in Wonderland.

Enter the other's perception without inhibitions

Each person has a unique blueprint of stories that influence your relationship without you being aware of it

Do you know which patterns strengthen your relationship and which undermine it? And how big the influence is of experiences and convictions from the family one originated from?

Are there perhaps non-processed painful experiences from previous relationships that impede you from opening up yourself to your loved one fully and fearlessly?

Which convictions impede the connection, intimacy and growth and how can they be adapted?

Do you really dare to ask for what you need and how can you truly open yourself up to your partner without fear?
There will always be matters of value to discover in each other and in the relationship.

Article Ewoud Dekker M/strong>

Relationship problems don't have to last forever, there is always a Next Level.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

Ewoud Dekker, founder and owner of Arte dell ‘Anima Senior 4D System Coach, Healthcare Psychologist, Psychotherapist and Trainer.

 

Marian de Neef

Marian Dekker-de Neef, founder and owner Arte dell ‘Anima Senior 4D System Dialogue Coach, Hypnosis Regression Therapist, Voice-dialogue Coach and Trainer

Burnout Retreat

Again moving ahead by briefly standing still.
Say goodbye to your blueprint for burnout and experience Space, Energy and Freedom again

Read more

Couples Retreat

3 Days of welcome to be a guest of the senior experts in solving relationship problems is guaranteed to help your relationship take a big step forward.

Read more

Personal Retreat

Because of some events in your life now, or past, you can get stagnated. A Personal Retreat can greatly enrich you and shape clearity according your personal goals

Read more

Grief & Loss Retreat

A LOSS REQUIRES TIME AND PROCESSING If the feeling of loss only increases and it is hard to pick up your life and move on, it couldn't hurt to seek professional help.

Read more

The Accommodation of Arte dell' Anima

 

On our own Oldambster farm dating from 1846, we are happy to welcome you. Here you will find all the Comfort, Peace, Space and Privacy to get the best results from your Retreat. Experience the warm atmosphere of our unique Centre for Retreats with Exclusive
Therapy & Coaching.

  

Feel free to get in touch
"

Relationship problems are quite radical, they make you feel insecure and follow you wherever you go

Relationship

Relationship problems are profound , they make you insecure and won't let you go

Sometimes you lose each other and the connection.

In a relationship, you want to be together as partners, feel connected, grow together, and maintain your individuality. It seems so easy, but often proves more difficult in practice.

And let's face it, a long-term relationship requires quite a lot. You get to know yourself and your partner more and more, and that is not always as expected. You change, possibly get different wants and needs, enter different phases of life, and it just has to all be in sync.

Around you, everything is constantly changing and it is not easy as a multitasker to perfectly manage your roles of partner, careerist, social networker, and parent.

What if you get stuck in your relationship?

So it's not surprising if you get stuck in your relationship for a while. Often, with commitment and true love, you can work it out yourself but sometimes love does not conquer all.

You often notice this because you start experiencing loneliness within your relationship. Or because the natural intimacy and romance of the beginning has become part of the household chores department.

The great conversations of the past, despite your goodwill and love, often turn into communicative battles that are repeated over and over again.

If negative patterns start repeating themselves, you are not getting on well, and you start feeling increasingly misunderstood, powerless, insecure and despondent, it is time to seek help.

Relationship problems are profound , they make you insecure and won't let you go

A harmonious relationship and warm family is often the most valuable thing in your life.

When that comes under pressure due to an imbalance in life, work or health, it is time to recognise the cause

And, of course, find the solution that suits you

Ring the bells that can still ring

"Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget the perfect gift
Everything has a crack
That's how the light falls in"
Leonard Cohen

Often, despite our love, we feel like Alice in Wonderland when we try to understand the other person.
Because how do we look at our relationship and what do we actually see ?

How do we look? What do we see? How is it that we don't see the same thing, when we look at the same thing? 

The image we see changes in the person watching.
It is not a different experience, it is a truly different world.

We all live in a personal and unique universe

Everyone wants to be seen, heard and understood especially by your Love, but how do you get that done?

Often you don't even know yourself well and then your sincere desire sometimes seems difficult to fulfil.
The miracle is, however, that this is possible and that the manual to really see each other hear and feel turns out to be very simple in the end.
Eventually, because we do have to give up the entrenched idea that only your own reality exists.

The wonderful world of your partner.

When you are in love, the other person is a miracle you wake up next to, sings the singer.

When you stop understanding each other, you think it's because of the other person.
That one is not bright, sees things wrong, and does not understand you. Who is off the path, in another world.

The latter is true. Especially literally. In that other world, everything is different. It looks, smells, tastes, hears and feels different. Explaining it makes no sense.

In your world, you can't hear it, taste it, smell it. Think of the divine wine in France, which doesn't taste good at home. You take the wine, not France. 

It's not a star I see, it's always you.

The Alice in Wonderland Recipe.

If every person, including your partner, lives in a reality of their own, you can only get to know it by stepping into it.

Alice, the one from Wonderland, gives the recipe. With uninhibited curiosity and the courage to perceive beyond the limits of what she knows, she enters all worlds.

Drinking from a bottle labelled 'drink me' makes her so small she can walk through a tiny door, eating from the cake that says 'eat me' allows her to reach a key that is in an unreachable place.

Step uninhibitedly into the other person's world of experience

When you step uninhibitedly into the other person's world, a world literally opens up to you. It delivers incredible beauty. 

See through her eyes, taste with her mouth, remember with her memory, think with her brain, feel with her heart, hear with her eyes. In short: become your partner for a moment. 

How? By letting yourself be taken along and explore the other world without judgement with Alice's open-mindedness.

That way, you take the country and the wine with you. 

You can't get any closer to your love.

The Alice in Wonderland Recipe.

Step uninhibitedly into the other person's world of experience

Every person has a unique blueprint of stories that subconsciously influence your relationship

Do you know which patterns strengthen your relationship and which ones undermine it? And how big is the influence of experiences and beliefs from the family of origin? 

Perhaps you have unprocessed painful experiences from previous relationships that prevent you from opening up to your Love fully and without fear?

What beliefs hinder connection, intimacy and growth and how can they be adjusted?

Do you really dare to ask for what you need and how can you really open up to your partner without fear?

There are always valuable things to discover in each other and in the relationship.

Article drs Ewoud Dekker

Relationship problems don't have to last forever, there is always a Next Level.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

Ewoud Dekker MSc., Co founder and owner of Arte dell' Anima
Senior 4D Systems Coach, psychologist and trainer.

 

Marian de Neef

Marian Dekker-de Neef, co founder and owner Arte dell' Anima
Hypnosis Regression Therapist, Voice-dialogue Coach and Trainer

Burnout Retreat

Again moving ahead by briefly standing still.
Say goodbye to your blueprint for burnout and experience Space, Energy and Freedom again

Read more

Couples Retreat

3 Days of welcome to be a guest of the senior experts in solving relationship problems is guaranteed to help your relationship take a big step forward.

Read more

Personal Retreat

Because of some events in your life now, or past, you can get stagnated. A Personal Retreat can greatly enrich you and shape clearity according your personal goals

Read more

Grief & Loss Retreat

A LOSS REQUIRES TIME AND PROCESSING If the feeling of loss only increases and it is hard to pick up your life and move on, it couldn't hurt to seek professional help.

Read more

The Accommodation of Arte dell' Anima

 

On our own Oldambster farm dating from 1846, we are happy to welcome you. Here you will find all the Comfort, Peace, Space and Privacy to get the best results from your Retreat. Experience the warm atmosphere of our unique Centre for Retreats with Exclusive
Therapy & Coaching.

  

Feel free to get in touch
"

The ideal relationship, this is how the light floods in

Relationship

Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget the perfect gift
Everything has a crack
This is how the light enters

Leonard Cohen - Anthem.

The gift of imperfection

We are all looking for the ideal relationship.
That one partner, who fulfils us, understands us, feels us, makes us happy.
The desire is understandable; we are prepared for it at an early age.
Almost all songs are about it.

We all get disappointed in our search for the perfect partner.
They abandon us, don't understand us, feel nothing, make us unhappy.
This is understandable, we learn early on.
Almost all songs are about it.

We grow up in a world where romantic love is the magical solution to all personal wants and needs. And the beauty is, you don't have to do anything for it. You just have to believe in it. In a good and fulfilling relationship, everything happens naturally. Or at least effortlessly. What takes effort is a project. When a relationship becomes a project, we drop out. We already have so much to do. Can there be something without having to?
Almost all songs are about it.

Our parents and grandparents saw marriage as a verb. And the commitment it entailed was forever. Or at least forever. Everything was obtained through hard work. Once acquired, people were thrifty about the stuff. In those days, you maintained what you had. So also a love affair.
But times have changed, labour is expensive, stuff is cheap. And within easy reach. There is a lot of supply, a lot of diversity, high turnover rates. We have high demands, want everything now, see no limits. We live in a time when everything seems makeable. And everyone gets to claim happiness. Especially in a relationship.
Almost all songs are about it.

And what if it doesn't go that way?

Of course romantic love exists; not for nothing are almost all songs about it. But how do we ensure that a relationship remains valuable. By working hard, by giving in all the time or exchanging every time?

We all incur scratches and cracks in our lives. The beauty comes off they say. But does it? Cracks are the visible exterior of an inner battle you have fought. And won. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so the saying goes. Even if it doesn't feel that way. The best gift you can get is for your partner to feel the beauty of your life where you see the crack.

In a relationship that matters, you don't find perfection, but the opportunity to grow together. You recognise in each other both the life and the crack. There is no guarantee of forever. Cracks also appear in a relationship, there is no other way. And maybe they have to, because everything that grows expands. As your relationship grows out of its original seams, more possibilities come to light. That can be scary if you want to hold on to the old. But if you and your partner together, are worth it, it's a wonderful journey of discovery. One that enriches you both. And in which you both blossom even more.

Stop looking for the ideal partner, who seemingly fits the bill exactly.
Find the partner with the crack through which the light shines in.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

From being under strain to a burnout

From being under strain to a burnout

Burnout

30 years ago, the term Burnout had yet to begin its rise.

Tired heroes are getting younger

It seems unlikely, but 30 years ago, the term Burnout had yet to begin its rise.
Overworkedness was called it and it occurred mainly in people in their fifties. And, befitting the times back then, it exclusively affected men. Gladly, at the time, I would have coined the resounding name - weary heroes. A buzzword. Men who worked hard, carried a lot of responsibility and cut the meat on Sundays.

Position in society was their identity, salary their contribution to the family. With the advent of the computer, their prestige faltered. Younger colleagues, fresh out of school, without experience and matching wisdom, frolicked up the ladder of the pecking order. Gone carefully accumulated status, crumbled self-esteem.

The heroes got physical, became ill and a shadow of themselves. Exhausted and tired.

Overworked has a reverse career door run through the ages.

From being under strain to a burnout

Meanwhile, Overworked has a reverse career door run through the ages. After the fifties, he became a frequent guest among forty-somethings, persecutors thirty-somethings, and now he is a child of the twenty-somethings. And in this age of equality, both among men and women. A new time, a new name. And we call him: burnout.

For the new porters, no slogans. Those who didn't make it. Young, promising and burnt out. In a world that offers, as never before, so many opportunities. To so many. And circumstances that are malleable.

Quarterlife crisis, or be successful!

At a quarter of your life. Your head filled with possibilities, expectations, choices, opportunities, careers. And missed opportunities, lost loves, unachieved goals. What's new?
This is how it has been for centuries. Look into the mouth of life and jump.

Contact with Ewoud Dekker?

Cause I wonder sometimes / About the outcome / Of a still verdictless life / Am I living it right?
- John Mayer.

Quarterlife crisis, or be successful!

At a quarter of your life. Your head filled with possibilities, expectations, choices, opportunities, career. As well as missed opportunities, lost loves and goals not achieved. What is new? It's been this way for ages. Look in life's mouth and jump.
Jumping still happens. Practised no more. There is no playing time. You can make a mistake once. Then you have to stand there. Knowledge is everything, experience suspect. What you need to know comes with the speed of the internet. And is accessible from an early age. It's all about the cloud, stupid. The amount of daily information has increased enormously and is literally incalculable.

When Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jacques coined the term quarterlife crisis in the 1960s, it involved an existential struggle.
A question about the meaning of life. Like Benjamin in Mike Nichols' film The Graduate. Those who do not ask themselves this question do themselves and life disservice.

A battle that cannot be won?

Now, however, the term is associated with burnout. At a quarter of your life, already having to give in. Because the battle is unwinnable. Outwardly, everything is fine. Highly educated, nice career, rich social life the future still ahead of you. Inside, there is restlessness, uncertainty, a sense of failure, panic for what has not yet been achieved. 

It used to be that having a choice was a luxury, making it an enrichment. Nowadays a loss. Because we have to be able to do everything, now and at the same time. Hesitating, pondering, pondering, taking a moment, not committing yet, can no longer be done. Here are all the opportunities, available to everyone, what are you waiting for? Make the choice. Be successful!

The burden of success?

If you don't succeed, dare to fail!

When success becomes a choice, and being successful a duty, failure is a special way to stop time. And make space.

The burden of success.

And if it doesn't work out? When being successful doesn't make you happy? The excessive flow of information can't be contained? You can't shut yourself off from sky-high expectations? Success becomes climbing a mountain without the right equipment and protective gear. Being successful becomes a choice and obligation. Instead of a reward, later, after the climb. An increasing number of people between the ages of 20 and 30, experience being successful in multiple areas of life, at an early age, as an unbearable burden. It makes them gloomy, anxious, indecisive, passive and gives a great sense of failure and being a failure.

Dare to fail and reap the sweet fruits

When success becomes a choice, and being successful a duty, failing and being unhappy is a special way to stop time. And make space. It takes courage to consider whether succeeding in life makes you happy. Who doesn't want to succeed before the age of 30? Maybe you do. Because you want to take the time to figure out what really makes you happy. Because developing yourself is more valuable than standing there right now. Because you want to know who you really are.

After all, you have three quarters of your life left to reap the sweet fruits of that. And then to wait until they are so ripe that the juice runs down your chin when you eat them.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

Burnout Retreat

Again moving ahead by briefly standing still.
Say goodbye to your blueprint for burnout and experience Space, Energy and Freedom again

Read more

Couples Retreat

3 Days of welcome to be a guest of the senior experts in solving relationship problems is guaranteed to help your relationship take a big step forward.

Read more

Personal Retreat

Because of some events in your life now, or past, you can get stagnated. A Personal Retreat can greatly enrich you and shape clearity according your personal goals

Read more

Grief & Loss Retreat

A LOSS REQUIRES TIME AND PROCESSING
If the feeling of loss only increases and it is hard to pick up your life and move on, it couldn't hurt to seek professional help.

Read more

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

Ewoud Dekker MSc., Co founder and owner of Arte dell' Anima
Psychotherapeut, GZ-psycholoog (BIG) Senior 4D-Systeem Coach.

 

Marian de Neef

Marian Dekker-de Neef, co founder and owner Arte dell' Anima
Hypnosis Regression Therapist, Voice-dialogue Coach and Trainer

Are you interested in our retreats, or do you have a personal question? We are happy to respond to them. Send a whats-app message to Arte dell' Anima. Ewoud Dekker will get back to you as soon as possible.