Relationship problems, find the differences in communicating

Relationship problems, find the differences in communicating

Relationship problems, find the differences in communicating

How do we look? What do we see? How is it that when we look at the same thing, we don't see the same thing? The image we see changes in the person looking. It is not a different perception, it is a truly different world. We all live in our own unique universe.
You want to be seen, heard and understood. Especially in your relationship. How do you get that done?
In the process, you often don't even know yourself well. Double complication, impossible task.

An infinite number of realities.
The miracle, though, is that it can be done. And even more miraculous, that the manual is ultimately very simple. Ultimately, because we have to give up something for it. Namely the idea that reality exists. And that you and your partner live in the same reality. Remarkably, this makes many people anxious. What connects us, if there is no common reality? For me, it works the other way around, when realising an infinite number of realities, a great sense of lightness, space and beauty emerges.

The manual.
Two photos were recently shown. In both, a group of austronauts. Once seated like a football team, in the other picture spinning in a circle like the petals of a flower. Which one was easier to make? Answer: the flower. Reason: they were both taken in space. The weightlessness made sitting difficult and turning easy. Without knowledge of weightlessness, we don't understand. Without knowledge of gravity, someone from space will not understand our surprise.

The other world of your partner.
When you are in love, the other person is a miracle you wake up next to, sings the singer.
When you stop understanding each other, you think it's because of the other person. That one is not clear, sees things wrong, and does not understand you. Who is off the path, in another world. The latter is true. Especially literally. In that other world, everything is different. It looks, smells, tastes, hears and feels different. Explaining it makes no sense. In your world, you can't hear it, taste it, smell it. Think of the divine wine in France, which doesn't taste at home. You take the wine, not France.

Alice's miracle.
If every person, including your partner, lives in a reality of their own, you can only get to know it by stepping into it. Alice, the one from Wonderland, provides the recipe. With uninhibited curiosity and the courage to perceive beyond the limits of what she knows, she enters all worlds. By drinking from a bottle labelled 'drink me' she becomes so small that she can walk through a tiny door, by eating from the cake that says 'eat me' she can reach a key that lies in an unreachable place. When you step uninhibitedly into the other person's world, a world literally opens up before you. It delivers incredible beauty.
See through her eyes, taste with her mouth, remember with her memory, think with her brain, feel with her heart. In short: become your partner for a moment. How? By letting yourself be taken along and exploring the other world without judgement with Alice's open-mindedness. That way, you take the land and the wine with you. You cannot get any closer to your love.

   Funny, it's not a rose I touch, it's always you. (Burke, van Heusen)
Chet Baker

Dealing with grief and loss.  Blog

Dealing with grief and loss. Blog

The unique experience of a grieving process

We no longer live with death. Nor with those who have died. They are not part of our daily existence. We live now, and death is for later. There are fewer and fewer rituals, by which we stay attached to loved ones who have died. And so we no longer know how to deal with loss.
If we exist only with our body, our voice, eyes, hands, then we disappear when we die. Out of sight and out of mind.
Because when we exist in someone's thoughts, experience and memory, we remain alive.
And of course, when a loved one dies, the loss is sometimes unbearable. We can no longer hear the voice, no longer look each other in the eye, no longer touch each other.
Yet that is the very difficult challenge we are going to endure.

Besides, everyone grieves in a completely unique way that fits your inner world, which is as unique as your DNA. It is therefore perfectly normal that the way you bonded with someone is similar to how you may or may not be able to let go of the bond after death.

And yet there is one similarity between everyone in mourning.
For that, we need to go back to the origins of how we are connected.

Out of sight is not out of mind

Imagine a child playing on the beach. It is so absorbed in its play that it loses sight of its parents. Suddenly, it panics. It looks around and does not see the parents. Once found, it has to be taken care of, comforted. And then it goes back and - almost magically - it no longer feels alone. Like a camera swallows a photograph, we humans swallow. And store them in our inner world. So we can be alone, without feeling alone - the miracle of introjection. Animals are good at it too; I see it in my dogs.
When a loved one disappears completely from our lives due to death, the loss is unbearable. When all is well, however, the person does not disappear from our inner world. Out of sight is not out of mind

We die twice

It's like this. You die twice. The first time physically, you pass out of life and time. The second time, when nobody thinks of you anymore and you no longer feel. So too, as bereaved people, we keep the deceased in our lives.

Being alone without feeling alone

Ean number of years back, I spoke to a woman whose husband had died seven years earlier. She faithfully visited his grave three times a week. She sat on a bench, ate her bread and talked to her husband. There she met a woman whose husband had also died. A close friendship developed. They decided to go on holiday together. A few days before leaving, the woman panicked; she could not abandon her husband. Finally, the solution came. She took the picture that was on the grave with her, so she could eat her bread and talk to him. Just like before, on holidays when he was alive. There was one moment of distress, when she lost her husband in the middle of the night. The photograph was untraceable. She found it at the bottom of her suitcase, wrapped in the shirt he liked to wear. With finding the photo her husband, the world was right again.

The world is not right, when the people around you, after a few months, don't talk about the one who has died. And feel that you should slowly say goodbye and move on with your life. It is unnatural, because someone lives in you. That bond is only over when you pass away. If all goes well, no one wants you to die too. Then it is important to keep the deceased alive. In you and the world you live in. So that you can find out and experience, in your own way, in your time, how to go on with and without them.

For a successful and lasting change, just a different mindset is not enough, your feelings, your environment and your beliefs have to change at an equal pace with you.

Burnout Retreat

Again moving ahead by briefly standing still.
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Certain events in your current or past life can cause you to hit a wall. A Personal Retreat can enrich your life and give it direction.

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Dealing with a loss takes time and a lot of loving attention.
We are expert in understanding those who are going through a mourning process and helping them move on

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