Relationship problems are profound , they make you insecure and won't let you go

A harmonious relationship and warm family is often the most valuable thing in your life.

When that comes under pressure due to an imbalance in life, work or health, it is time to recognise the cause

And, of course, find the solution that suits you

How do we look? What do we see? How is it that we don't see the same thing, when we look at the same thing? 

The image we see changes in the person watching.
It is not a different experience, it is a truly different world.

We all live in a personal and unique universe

The wonderful world of your partner.

When you are in love, the other person is a miracle you wake up next to, sings the singer.

When you stop understanding each other, you think it's because of the other person.
That one is not bright, sees things wrong, and does not understand you. Who is off the path, in another world.

The latter is true. Especially literally. In that other world, everything is different. It looks, smells, tastes, hears and feels different. Explaining it makes no sense.

In your world, you can't hear it, taste it, smell it. Think of the divine wine in France, which doesn't taste good at home. You take the wine, not France. 

The Alice in Wonderland Recipe.

If every person, including your partner, lives in a reality of their own, you can only get to know it by stepping into it.

Alice, the one from Wonderland, gives the recipe. With uninhibited curiosity and the courage to perceive beyond the limits of what she knows, she enters all worlds.

Drinking from a bottle labelled 'drink me' makes her so small she can walk through a tiny door, eating from the cake that says 'eat me' allows her to reach a key that is in an unreachable place.

Step uninhibitedly into the other person's world of experience

When you step uninhibitedly into the other person's world, a world literally opens up to you. It delivers incredible beauty. 

See through her eyes, taste with her mouth, remember with her memory, think with her brain, feel with her heart, hear with her eyes. In short: become your partner for a moment. 

How? By letting yourself be taken along and explore the other world without judgement with Alice's open-mindedness.

That way, you take the country and the wine with you. 

You can't get any closer to your love.

Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget the perfect gift
Everything has a crack
This is how the light enters

Leonard Cohen - Anthem.

The gift of imperfection

We are all looking for the ideal relationship.
That one partner, who fulfils us, understands us, feels us, makes us happy.
The desire is understandable; we are prepared for it at an early age.
Almost all songs are about it.

We all get disappointed in our search for the perfect partner.
They abandon us, don't understand us, feel nothing, make us unhappy.
This is understandable, we learn early on.
Almost all songs are about it.

We grow up in a world where romantic love is the magical solution to all personal wants and needs. And the beauty is, you don't have to do anything for it. You just have to believe in it. In a good and fulfilling relationship, everything happens naturally. Or at least effortlessly. What takes effort is a project. When a relationship becomes a project, we drop out. We already have so much to do. Can there be something without having to?
Almost all songs are about it.

Our parents and grandparents saw marriage as a verb. And the commitment it entailed was forever. Or at least forever. Everything was obtained through hard work. Once acquired, people were thrifty about the stuff. In those days, you maintained what you had. So also a love affair.
But times have changed, labour is expensive, stuff is cheap. And within easy reach. There is a lot of supply, a lot of diversity, high turnover rates. We have high demands, want everything now, see no limits. We live in a time when everything seems makeable. And everyone gets to claim happiness. Especially in a relationship.
Almost all songs are about it.

And what if it doesn't go that way?

Of course romantic love exists; not for nothing are almost all songs about it. But how do we ensure that a relationship remains valuable. By working hard, by giving in all the time or exchanging every time?

We all incur scratches and cracks in our lives. The beauty comes off they say. But does it? Cracks are the visible exterior of an inner battle you have fought. And won. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so the saying goes. Even if it doesn't feel that way. The best gift you can get is for your partner to feel the beauty of your life where you see the crack.

In a relationship that matters, you don't find perfection, but the opportunity to grow together. You recognise in each other both the life and the crack. There is no guarantee of forever. Cracks also appear in a relationship, there is no other way. And maybe they have to, because everything that grows expands. As your relationship grows out of its original seams, more possibilities come to light. That can be scary if you want to hold on to the old. But if you and your partner together, are worth it, it's a wonderful journey of discovery. One that enriches you both. And in which you both blossom even more.

Stop looking for the ideal partner, who seemingly fits the bill exactly.
Find the partner with the crack through which the light shines in.

Ewoud Dekker MSc.

Relationship problems, find the differences in communicating

How do we look? What do we see? How is it that when we look at the same thing, we don't see the same thing? The image we see changes in the person looking. It is not a different perception, it is a truly different world. We all live in our own unique universe.
You want to be seen, heard and understood. Especially in your relationship. How do you get that done?
In the process, you often don't even know yourself well. Double complication, impossible task.

An infinite number of realities.
The miracle, though, is that it can be done. And even more miraculous, that the manual is ultimately very simple. Ultimately, because we have to give up something for it. Namely the idea that reality exists. And that you and your partner live in the same reality. Remarkably, this makes many people anxious. What connects us, if there is no common reality? For me, it works the other way around, when realising an infinite number of realities, a great sense of lightness, space and beauty emerges.

The manual.
Two photos were recently shown. In both, a group of austronauts. Once seated like a football team, in the other picture spinning in a circle like the petals of a flower. Which one was easier to make? Answer: the flower. Reason: they were both taken in space. The weightlessness made sitting difficult and turning easy. Without knowledge of weightlessness, we don't understand. Without knowledge of gravity, someone from space will not understand our surprise.

The other world of your partner.
When you are in love, the other person is a miracle you wake up next to, sings the singer.
When you stop understanding each other, you think it's because of the other person. That one is not clear, sees things wrong, and does not understand you. Who is off the path, in another world. The latter is true. Especially literally. In that other world, everything is different. It looks, smells, tastes, hears and feels different. Explaining it makes no sense. In your world, you can't hear it, taste it, smell it. Think of the divine wine in France, which doesn't taste at home. You take the wine, not France.

Alice's miracle.
If every person, including your partner, lives in a reality of their own, you can only get to know it by stepping into it. Alice, the one from Wonderland, provides the recipe. With uninhibited curiosity and the courage to perceive beyond the limits of what she knows, she enters all worlds. By drinking from a bottle labelled 'drink me' she becomes so small that she can walk through a tiny door, by eating from the cake that says 'eat me' she can reach a key that lies in an unreachable place. When you step uninhibitedly into the other person's world, a world literally opens up before you. It delivers incredible beauty.
See through her eyes, taste with her mouth, remember with her memory, think with her brain, feel with her heart. In short: become your partner for a moment. How? By letting yourself be taken along and exploring the other world without judgement with Alice's open-mindedness. That way, you take the land and the wine with you. You cannot get any closer to your love.

   Funny, it's not a rose I touch, it's always you. (Burke, van Heusen)
Implementation Chet Baker