Relationship problems, find the differences in communicating
How do we look? What do we see? How is it that when we look at the same thing, we don't see the same thing? The image we see changes in the person looking. It is not a different perception, it is a truly different world. We all live in our own unique universe.
You want to be seen, heard and understood. Especially in your relationship. How do you get that done?
In the process, you often don't even know yourself well. Double complication, impossible task.
An infinite number of realities.
The miracle, though, is that it can be done. And even more miraculous, that the manual is ultimately very simple. Ultimately, because we have to give up something for it. Namely the idea that reality exists. And that you and your partner live in the same reality. Remarkably, this makes many people anxious. What connects us, if there is no common reality? For me, it works the other way around, when realising an infinite number of realities, a great sense of lightness, space and beauty emerges.
Two photos were recently shown. In both, a group of austronauts. Once seated like a football team, in the other picture spinning in a circle like the petals of a flower. Which one was easier to make? Answer: the flower. Reason: they were both taken in space. The weightlessness made sitting difficult and turning easy. Without knowledge of weightlessness, we don't understand. Without knowledge of gravity, someone from space will not understand our surprise.
The other world of your partner.
When you are in love, the other person is a miracle you wake up next to, sings the singer.
When you stop understanding each other, you think it's because of the other person. That one is not clear, sees things wrong, and does not understand you. Who is off the path, in another world. The latter is true. Especially literally. In that other world, everything is different. It looks, smells, tastes, hears and feels different. Explaining it makes no sense. In your world, you can't hear it, taste it, smell it. Think of the divine wine in France, which doesn't taste at home. You take the wine, not France.
If every person, including your partner, lives in a reality of their own, you can only get to know it by stepping into it. Alice, the one from Wonderland, provides the recipe. With uninhibited curiosity and the courage to perceive beyond the limits of what she knows, she enters all worlds. By drinking from a bottle labelled 'drink me' she becomes so small that she can walk through a tiny door, by eating from the cake that says 'eat me' she can reach a key that lies in an unreachable place. When you step uninhibitedly into the other person's world, a world literally opens up before you. It delivers incredible beauty.
See through her eyes, taste with her mouth, remember with her memory, think with her brain, feel with her heart. In short: become your partner for a moment. How? By letting yourself be taken along and exploring the other world without judgement with Alice's open-mindedness. That way, you take the land and the wine with you. You cannot get any closer to your love.
Funny, it's not a rose I touch, it's always you. (Burke, van Heusen)
Implementation Chet Baker